Weighing in on the "Twilight" debate

I first remember stumbling onto "Twilight" by accident last year. I was looking up the lyrics to Billy Joel's "Lullaby" and somehow ended up reading a message board where people were posting that Stephenie Meyer had the song in mind when writing about Edward's lullaby for Bella. Not knowing what the hell any of this meant at the time, I Googled Stephenie Meyer and came across the Twilight series. They sounded mildly interesting, though intended for "young adult" readers, so I made a
mental note to check them out. Of course, I promptly forgot about it entirely and never gave it a second thought.

Until recently. A few months ago, Twilight mania broke out, and I recalled the vampire series I had read about a year earlier. Since interest in Twilight had hit a fever pitch, I was immediately uninterested. I'm no book snob (my book collection sits Shakespeare next to the Shopaholic series), but still I vowed I would never stoop to reading them because:

1. I try extremely hard not to follow book trends since the "A Million Little Pieces" fiasco.


2. I remain loyal to the vampire mythology laid out by one of my writing heroes, Joss Whedon. (Go ahead, laugh. Then bite me.)


3. I don't like Harry Potter, and figured it was pretty much the same.

Of course, I should have known at the time that I would eventually crack under pressure because my self-control is pretty limited, especially when it involves any kind of reading. Plus, there are VAMPIRES!!!



In an effort to learn more about the world of Twilight, I did a feature piece on it for my article writing class. I interviewed self-proclaimed Twilight maniacs about their obsession and ended up fascinated by their honest enthusiasm. I interviewed English majors, 14-year-old girls, and people who haven't read 10 books in their whole life; they all proclaimed Twilight one of the most amazing books they've ever read.

It was after handing in that article that I decided I had to see what the fuss was all about for myself. I picked up a mass market copy of the book and settled into the world of Bella and Edward. And then the weirdest thing happened.

I could not put it down. But it was terrible. And I couldn't stop reading it. It hovers around 500 pages, and I read it two days, staying up until three a.m. on a Saturday morning to get to the end. The entire time, I let out pained groans at every cheesy, completely unbelievable line (and there's at least one per page). But for some reason, I still cared about Bella and Edward, despite Bella's whiny self-loathing and unbearably long descriptions of Edward, and Edward's too-intense proclamations that he could kill Bella at anytime, but he loves her, he really loves her!!

It's all rather inexplicable. Stephenie Meyer's storytelling abilities are severely lackluster. While the idea for the series is genius (sexy vamp falls for clumsy new girl, must resist urge to bite her), albeit completely unoriginal, there is nothing beyond the surface of this book. Hell, even on the surface there isn't much to work with. Meyer creates holes in the plot at ever turn, immediately explaining them away with a passive sentence that doesn't make it any more plausible. The relationship between Bella and Edward is written and built up like the tawdry romance novels I use to sneak as a kid (yes, some kids sneak-eat candy, I snuck-read books). The "big bad" enters with no warning and little provocation and is eliminated with the same amount of thought. And the thing that's supposed to scare Bella the most about Edward? His skin shimmers in the sun. Literally! Seriously, I'm supposed to believe that vampires, the fangy immortal ones who will rip me to shreds and feast on my blood at the first given opportunity, can't go out in the sun because it makes them sparkle! No wonder Bella's not afraid of Edward: he twinkles!

Despite every nonsensical image, cringe-inducing description, and shallow plot line, I still couldn't put it down. I haven't yet taken the time to analyze what that says about me, but nonetheless, I am hooked. Hooked by the idea of the apparently star-crossed love between a vampire and a human (I've fallen for THAT before), hooked on the freakishly pale Cullens (seriously, they wouldn't be more obviously vampires if they came to school wearing black capes) and the secret they've trusted Bella with. Hooked enough to know, one way or the other, I will read all four books. Damn it all, despite my every attempt, despite reason and logic, I'm hooked! I haven't gotten the second book, but I'm already vibrating with anticipation of once again entering this world that fascinates and frustrates me equally.

I still don't get it. But I can't friggin get enough of it!