Things I'm Looking Forward to in 2009 (Part One)

1. The return of "Lost"
When we last left the castaways, all kinds of crazy junk went down. Locke was dead! The island vanished! They have to go back to save everyone! What the frick is going on on this show? I still don't really have any idea, but I cannot wait to find out. With only two seasons left to unfold four years of torturous mysteries, the show's writers have a lot of work ahead of them. But as someone who's spent the past few weeks rewatching the entire "Alias" series, I think JJ Abrams can figure it out. While I contest that the final two seasons of "Alias" were fairly unbearable (though they some moments of awesomeness, and Jen Garner as a preggers superspy was a little hard to write), it still remains one of my favorite shows of all time. Rewatching it, I was reminded how good Abrams is at weaving mystery and mythology and how elements of "Alias" are used in "Lost," only in a way that makes it better, not worse. Abrams and his team are certainly good at drawing viewers in and I can't wait to see where they go next.

2. "I Love You Man"
This is probably the most excited I've been for a movie to come out since someone gave Lance Bass a starring role in "On the Line." It stars Paul Rudd and Jason Segel, who are two of the smartest and funniest actors in Hollywood. It's also about my favorite subject: the bromance. (Please do not confuse this with the Brody Jener show on MTV. I don't know what the heck that's about, but I want nothing to do with it). Paul Rudd stars as a newly engaged guy who realizes he doesn't have anyone to ask to be his best man. To set the plot in motion, someone suggest he go out on man-dates to find a BFF to be his best men. Guess what? Hilarity ensues. Check out the trailer, it's slated for release March 20 and I can't wait.

3. Joss Whedon's "Dollhouse"

While the drama and secrecy surrounding this show (not to mention the Friday night time slot) has made me almost afraid to even start watching it, I can't pretend not to be glad to have Joss Whedon back on TV. It wasn't until seeing "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along-Blog" that I realized how much I missed having Joss in my life. As someone who has seriously shaped my whacky sense of humor and my motivation as a writer, having him back on network TV is truly exciting. I'm a little worried that he's trying too hard to make a TV that appeals to the masses and that witty and twisted sense of humor will somehow get lost in translation, I am hoping against hope to be wrong about this one. Eliza Dushku is a great Boston girl, and I loved her as Faith, but I've never really been convinced in any of her other roles, and I worry that the expectations for this show (some people are crapping themselves, in case you didn't know) have already doomed it. Either way, I will be watching and hoping that Joss can do it again. If not, he can always write a(nother) Buffy movie. I hear Sarah Michelle Gellar needs work.

Click to watch a sneak peak.

Best of 2008

they tried to make me go to rehab. . .

Hi, my name is Stephanie, and I'm addicted to Twilight. (This is the part where you all say "Hi Stephanie! The first step is admitting you have a problem). I'm not sure what the other steps are, but then again, I'm not sure I'm ready to kick this habit just yet. Still, I can't for the life of me figure out how I can be so obsessed with something I dislike so intensely at the same time. It's embarrassing, the crazy tween urge I have to devour these books. It's un-dignifying!

As previously mentioned, I finished the first book, "Twilight," in two days. I skimmed the "good" parts of "New Moon" during the week. I did some research on "Eclipse" and decided to forgo it completely for the time being and head straight for the hot mess that is "Breaking Dawn." The last of the Twilight Saga series, it is by far the most frustrating, ten gazillion page book I have ever read. I should preface this rant/review by admitting to skipping several pages because I just wanted to get to the end.

So here's what's happened so far in the world of Twilight (spoiler alert!!!):
Bella is a geeky, clumsy, plain-Jane who falls for dreamy vamp Edward, who wants to kiss her face and suck her blood. They have some serious love/hate drama, before ending up proclaiming their love and deciding to stay 2gether 4eva, at the prom. In the second book, Edward decides the blood lust is more overpowering than the love, so he takes off, telling Bella to get over him. What does she do instead? She starts hanging out with a werewolf (apparently all that's missing from Washington state are zombies, but hey, that could be Book 5), naturally. Together they do all kinds of CRAZY shit like ride motorcycles (!!!). Some really boring crap happens with some characters I can't even remember, and Bella and Edward end up together in the end. Some more CRAZY SHIT happens in book 3, end the eternally sexy one and his getting-older-by-the-second end up engaged at 18 (what an episode of Engaged and Underaged THAT would make).

Cut to book 4. Despite Bella's anti-marriage views, she's agreed to tie the knot with Edward in exchange for immortal life. Romantic, no? Anyway, at least at this point it still makes some semblance of sense, in a Romeo and Juliet kind of way (which, btw, Meyer quotes ENDLESSLY in "New Moon." For the record, Meyer's books shouldn't be in the same LIBRARY as Shakespeare). They have a grossly romantic (but I'm a girl, so I eat that shit up) wedding and vow to live happily ever after, literally. A honeymoon on a private island in Brazil leaves Edward able to sparkle freely and the newlyweds to experiment with superhuman vamp/mortal human sex. And this is where the freaky shit starts.

Don't look, they're about to get "pulled gently into deeper water." P.S.- That's a euphemism for sex.

First of all, Edward ravages Bella, causing her to wake up the morning after covered head-to-toe in bruises but remembering only the good parts. While I can (begrudgingly) understand Meyer's desire to not describe the sex scenes in vivid detail, and to wait until they're married to go THERE (after all, she's aware of the legions of girls reading these books and hanging on Every. Single. Word.). But really, is picking up the morning after when Bella is battered as a result really the best route? Though the sex was necessary to facilitate the pregnancy (oh yes, I'm getting to that), what did she gain by adding that it was so violent? ANOTHER scene where Edward gets all broody and angry for the pain and danger he causes her, because there certainly weren't enough of those in the first 3 books. I'm just saying, it seems to send some pretty confusing messages about sex, and I'm 24!

So, anyway, the night of maniacal sex leads Bella to discover she's pregnant. Of course, since she did it with a vamp, it's not a normal baby. Instead, she's carrying a rapid-growing, super-human potentially demon baby. While everyone seems to think she'd be best to get "rid" of it (gasp!) Bella grows an immediate attachment to the parasitic thing inside her that's quickly sucking the life out of her. Without going into too much detail (seriously, I'd like to forget I ever read that part), she gives birth and is about to die, so Edward finally has no choice but to turn her. And this is where things really start to piss me off.

One of the reasons Edward gives for not wanting to turn he is how hard the adjustment to vamp life is. As someone who knows a thing or two about vampires, and different vampire legends (I'm not a weirdo, I just watch a loooot of Buffy), this makes sense to me. Edward and his vamp fam don't feed on humans, a hunger they must work at to suppress. So, Bella having just given birth to a half human, half vamp baby, and being newly vamped herself sets the reader up for some intriguing dilemmas: How will Bella deal with the vamp transition? How many humans will she eat before she learns to control her desires? Will her partially human baby be one of them? (Cue creepy horror music). All of these questions are fleshed out in about 4 pages. Apparently Bella is super special, adjusts to vamp strength in about 2 seconds, has no problem hunting animals instead of people, and never even THINKS about eating her daughter. (OK, so the mother/daughter bond actually makes sense here, but c'mon, wouldn't it have been fun if she wanted to bite her just a LITTLE? It certainly wouldn't have even made the list of Top 10 Freakiest Things that happen in the book).

Speaking of her daughter, the idea of a half vampire, half human vampire is pretty interesting. Will it suck blood or eat french fries? (Both, apparently, in case you were wondering). She will also grow rapidly, and be walking, talking and passing people visions through her touch at three weeks old. Right, OK.

So that's, like, 400 pages of the book. The other 300 deal with the vamp clan the Volturi, who supposedly think Bella and Edward's baby is an abomination and want to kill it. They both gather some vamp friends to back them up and get ready to Battle. To make a very fucking long story short, they get together, take a vote, and everyone lives happily ever after. Seriously. Seriously!

And the worst part about all of this? I kept reading. At no point did I read something and say "I can't take this crap anymore!" and fling the tome across the room in frustration, despite the fact that frustration mounts with each passing sentence. None of it makes any sense. Every time Meyer sets up the reader with a genuine plot, she craps all over it in 10 seconds, then spends 40 pages letting Bella talk about how sexy gorgeous Edward is, especially now that she's looking at him through her perfect vamp eyes.

So sparkly and beautiful. And perfect. And angel-faced. And sparkly.

So, why am I still writing about this? Mostly to attempt to justify all the time I'm spending on it by pointing out the many, many flaws and too-freaky things that go on (dude, did I mention Bella's werewolf friend, Jake, has this thing where he "imprints" on a girl involuntarily when he finds his soulmate and he does this on her baby, so now he's all protective and hanging around her all pervy-like all the time because they're supposedly destined to hook up when she's...NOT A BABY? Yeah, that's not awkward at ALL). But also because I've been trying to figure out how Stephenie Meyer could take so many genuinely good ideas and manage to mess them up so badly. It's so so so bad. And still, I can't stop. Still, it's like my own personal version of crack. I know I need to quit, but dammit it feels so good!

Really, though, these books could have been amazing. Instead, they are addicting in a hate-yourself-in-the-morning kind of way. In a SHIT!-I-wish-I-had-thought-of-this-first-cause-I-would-have-rocked-it kind of way. I read that Stephenie Meyer started writing another version of the first book, Twilight, from the perspective of Edward and his torturous love/eat feelings for Bella. For me, THAT would have been a good book. I think limiting the series from the perspective of Bella diminished any chance she had of putting together a solid story. Instead, we're stuck in Bella's whiny head listening to her drone on and on about how Edward's bringing sexy back hard and we never get any other perspectives.

So what am I going to do with all of this? I'm going to write my own damn vampire novel. And it's going to involve research, and planning, and a coherent thought process, and third-person perspective, and be interesting, and have well-developed characters, and an actual storyline. Granted I probably won't be half as obsessed with writing it as I was with reading Twilight and, if it were to ever get published, it would probably sell, like 5 copies in comparison to the 25 mil combined all the Twilight books have sold. But at least I'd still have my dignity. For the most part.

(For the record, though this probably won't be the last time I binge-blog about Twilight, I promise I have more interesting things to write about, but I should warn you I am pretty easily obsessed. Thankfully, I'm as easily distracted.)

Weighing in on the "Twilight" debate

I first remember stumbling onto "Twilight" by accident last year. I was looking up the lyrics to Billy Joel's "Lullaby" and somehow ended up reading a message board where people were posting that Stephenie Meyer had the song in mind when writing about Edward's lullaby for Bella. Not knowing what the hell any of this meant at the time, I Googled Stephenie Meyer and came across the Twilight series. They sounded mildly interesting, though intended for "young adult" readers, so I made a
mental note to check them out. Of course, I promptly forgot about it entirely and never gave it a second thought.

Until recently. A few months ago, Twilight mania broke out, and I recalled the vampire series I had read about a year earlier. Since interest in Twilight had hit a fever pitch, I was immediately uninterested. I'm no book snob (my book collection sits Shakespeare next to the Shopaholic series), but still I vowed I would never stoop to reading them because:

1. I try extremely hard not to follow book trends since the "A Million Little Pieces" fiasco.


2. I remain loyal to the vampire mythology laid out by one of my writing heroes, Joss Whedon. (Go ahead, laugh. Then bite me.)


3. I don't like Harry Potter, and figured it was pretty much the same.

Of course, I should have known at the time that I would eventually crack under pressure because my self-control is pretty limited, especially when it involves any kind of reading. Plus, there are VAMPIRES!!!



In an effort to learn more about the world of Twilight, I did a feature piece on it for my article writing class. I interviewed self-proclaimed Twilight maniacs about their obsession and ended up fascinated by their honest enthusiasm. I interviewed English majors, 14-year-old girls, and people who haven't read 10 books in their whole life; they all proclaimed Twilight one of the most amazing books they've ever read.

It was after handing in that article that I decided I had to see what the fuss was all about for myself. I picked up a mass market copy of the book and settled into the world of Bella and Edward. And then the weirdest thing happened.

I could not put it down. But it was terrible. And I couldn't stop reading it. It hovers around 500 pages, and I read it two days, staying up until three a.m. on a Saturday morning to get to the end. The entire time, I let out pained groans at every cheesy, completely unbelievable line (and there's at least one per page). But for some reason, I still cared about Bella and Edward, despite Bella's whiny self-loathing and unbearably long descriptions of Edward, and Edward's too-intense proclamations that he could kill Bella at anytime, but he loves her, he really loves her!!

It's all rather inexplicable. Stephenie Meyer's storytelling abilities are severely lackluster. While the idea for the series is genius (sexy vamp falls for clumsy new girl, must resist urge to bite her), albeit completely unoriginal, there is nothing beyond the surface of this book. Hell, even on the surface there isn't much to work with. Meyer creates holes in the plot at ever turn, immediately explaining them away with a passive sentence that doesn't make it any more plausible. The relationship between Bella and Edward is written and built up like the tawdry romance novels I use to sneak as a kid (yes, some kids sneak-eat candy, I snuck-read books). The "big bad" enters with no warning and little provocation and is eliminated with the same amount of thought. And the thing that's supposed to scare Bella the most about Edward? His skin shimmers in the sun. Literally! Seriously, I'm supposed to believe that vampires, the fangy immortal ones who will rip me to shreds and feast on my blood at the first given opportunity, can't go out in the sun because it makes them sparkle! No wonder Bella's not afraid of Edward: he twinkles!

Despite every nonsensical image, cringe-inducing description, and shallow plot line, I still couldn't put it down. I haven't yet taken the time to analyze what that says about me, but nonetheless, I am hooked. Hooked by the idea of the apparently star-crossed love between a vampire and a human (I've fallen for THAT before), hooked on the freakishly pale Cullens (seriously, they wouldn't be more obviously vampires if they came to school wearing black capes) and the secret they've trusted Bella with. Hooked enough to know, one way or the other, I will read all four books. Damn it all, despite my every attempt, despite reason and logic, I'm hooked! I haven't gotten the second book, but I'm already vibrating with anticipation of once again entering this world that fascinates and frustrates me equally.

I still don't get it. But I can't friggin get enough of it!

10 Hottest Men of 2008

Enjoy! :o)

1. Jason Segel

He's hilarious. He's a writer. He looks good nude. What else can I say? Seriously, he's so charismatic and smart, and he writes vampire musicals!!! Come on.



2. John Hamm

I know, stark contrast from my #1, but John is the reason I started watching "Mad Men." He's strong and manly, and also, funny (SNL).



3. John Krasinski

Much like Jason Segel, he's hilarious and adorable. And his character on "The Office" is awesome. Pam + Jim forever.



4. Robert Pattinson

Dude, I know I know. The books are lame, and the movie wasn't much better, but I knew vampires were hot way before all the thirteen-year-old girls currently running around shrieking with I heart Edward t-shirts. He does have a certain sexiness I can appreciate, especially when he's not wearing purple lipstick or glittering in the sunlight.



5. Patrick Dempsey

Oh, McDreamy. Though his character on Grey's Anatomy grows more useless by the episode, he seems to have the ability to talk anyone (especially women) into doing anything. Here's hoping he makes better movies than "Made of Honor" next year.



6. Jacoby Ellsbury

Mmmm, baseball players. You know there had to be one on my top 10, and I'm sticking with Jacoby. His season ended on kind of a low note this time around, but I still love watching him out in center, smiling when he makes an awesome play. Sigh. Is it April yet?




7. Joshua Jackson

It's about time the boy everyone's known as Pacey Witter or Charlie Conway grew up. He's finally getting to play his age, and doing it very, very well.



8. Paul Rudd

And THAT is exactly why I love him. It's always a joy (and usually a pee my pants occasion) when he pops up in a movie.



9. James Franco

He's had an awesome year, it's great to see him finally getting the credit and rolls that he deserves. He's got brooding down to a science and, if you've ever seen his funny or die videos, you know he doesn't take himself too seriously.



10. Jason Bateman

What can I say? Funny = hot. Really hot.

Shows Gone Too Soon: "Freaks and Geeks" edition

The year is 1980. The scene opens on a high school football field. The camera pans to the bleachers, pausing on a couple in deep conversation. “Ashley, it’s just that I love you so much it scares me,” the hunky quarterback murmurs to the perfectly coiffed cheerleader before they kiss. Before you can roll your eyes, Van Halen’s “Runnin With the Devil” blasts and the camera pans below the bleachers to reveal a leather-jacket clad guy bragging to a group of obvious misfits about getting kicked out of church for wearing an inappropriate t-shirt. As the camera pans left, Van Halen turns to Kenny Loggins ‘ “I’m Alright” and three kids turn a corner doing their favorite “Caddyshack” impressions. A bully approaches but before he can lay a hand on them, one of their sisters steps in to save the day. They run off with embarrassment, leaving her alone. She sighs and declares “Man, I hate high school.” Welcome to the world of “Freaks and Geeks.”

Created by Paul Feig and co-executive produced by Judd Aptaow, “Freaks and Geeks” premiered in 1999 in the dreaded Saturday night time slot on NBC. Doomed from the start, the show was shuffled around to different nights of the week until it was cancelled after only twelve episodes aired. Fortunately, it garnered a cult following and a DVD release featuring 7 unaired episodes was released in 2004.

Set in the fictional town of Chippewa, Michigan in 1980, “Freaks and Geeks” centers on the, well, freaks and geeks of William McKinley High School. Linda Cardellini (“ER”) is Lindsay Weir, a former honor student facing a mid-high school crisis who ditches the mathletes to hang around with the resident freaks. She focuses her attention on bad boy Daniel Desario, played by James Franco (“Pineapple Express”). Lindsay quickly inserts herself into their gang which includes Jason Segel (TV’s “How I Met Your Mother”) as Nick Andopolis, Seth Rogen (Franco’s “Pineapple Express” co-star) as Ken Miller, and Busy Phillips (“Dawson’s Creek”) as Kim Kelly, Daniel’s loudmouth on-again, off-again girlfriend. And then there are the geeks. John Francis Daley is Sam Weir, Lindsay’s little brother. His best friends are Bill (Martin Starr) and Neal (Samm Levine). Together, they make being an outcast desirable.

John Francis Daley is perfectly cast as Sam; he is scrawny and small for his age. His last name is tragically close to the word weird: it’s as if he was born to be picked on. His crush on cheerleader Cindy Sanders is equal parts laughable and sad but their interaction makes you think that maybe, just maybe, despite high school hierarchies, they could end up together. Samm Levine’s Neal dresses like a middle-aged man complete with khakis and argyle sweater-vests. He hides his insecurities behind awkward impersonations of Bill Murray and William Shatner. Martin Starr’s Bill is the best of the bunch. His lanky frame and thick glasses scream nerd yet he is undeniably charismatic. It’s an odd combination he pulls off seamlessly in every scene. In the episode “Dead Dogs and Gym Teachers,” Bill is sitting on the couch eating from a TV tray while watching Gary Shandling do stand-up comedy. He is completely alone and laughing hysterically, food hanging out of his over-sized mouth. It’s such a simple moment but so genuine that you can’t help but wish you were there. He doesn’t seem to have a care in the world when there seems to be so much to care about, like who’s going to snap a towel at him in the locker room tomorrow or every geek’s worst nightmare: dodge ball.

On the freaks side, James Franco plays Daniel with attitude and indifference. He doesn’t care out school, but he still shows up; he’s always fighting with his girlfriend Kim, but it’s obvious he cares about her. As the season progresses, he struggles with his identity as the lost- cause his family and teachers alike have pegged him as. His stints as a punk rocker and an AV Club member are both hilarious and heartfelt as you realize he’s as desperate to belong somewhere as everyone else. Nick Andopolis is a former basketball player, banished to the land of freaks after being dropped from the team for smoking pot. A promising future in basketball has turned into an unlikely dream of being a drummer. He spends most of days getting high and adding to his drum collection, but his character comes alive when he develops a crush on Lindsay. He serenades her in the basement with “Lady” by Styx in a scene that is both hilarious and painful to watch. Seth Rogen’s Ken is relatively useless, spending much of the season sitting around complaining. It’s not until almost the end of the show that he gets his own storyline. Finally, we see Rogen’s talent for portraying extremely uncomfortable situations with the right blend of honesty and hilarity.

Stuck in the middle is Lindsay, who can’t seem to figure out if she’s a freak or a geek. She ditches her plaid skirts and bobby pins for her dad’s army jacket, as is, like most high schoolers, trying to figure out where the heck she belongs. She’s has enough of solving math equations for fun but she can’t stop feeling guilty after spending Halloween out smashing pumpkins and destroying mailboxes. It’s a feeling almost everyone can relate to and you find yourself pulling for her to make the right decision, even if you’re unsure what that is.

What makes “Freaks and Geeks” such an excellent show is the cast’s ability to make being a freak or a geek seem so cool. They are the very definition of outcasts but it doesn’t matter because they’re happy. Sure they have problems (it wouldn’t be a TV show if they didn’t), but they have each other and they have fun and you can’t help but want to be friends with them.

“Freaks and Geeks” also relies heavily on music from the era in which it takes place. One of the biggest delays in the release of the DVD was secure the rights to reproduce all the songs featured because it was so important to Feig and Apatow to keep the soundtrack intact. It was a smart decision because the show would not be the same without it. From The Who to Styx to Billy Joel, the music is the soundtrack to these kids’ lives and essential to the mood of the show.

There is no doubt that “Freaks and Geeks” was before its time. It came to NBC when sitcom money-makers “Friends” and “Will & Grace” ruled the airwaves and shows that were “different” were hard to catch on. Today, the more a shows break s the mold, the more it’s lauded. It’s too bad all the characters are ten years older and have mostly gone on to become fairly big stars or they could recreate the show today with the success they deserved 8 years ago.

Both Feig and Apatow are self-admitted high school geeks. In fact, much of the show draws directly from their lives. And that’s the hope for this lovable cast of characters. We’ll never know what happened to these lovable freaks and geeks, but if Feig and Apatow can make it, maybe they did too. Sometimes in the end, the geeks do get the last laugh.

Freaks and Geeks

random observation 1.0

I was on campus today walking to the library when I found myself traveling behind two guys with their pants below their butts. Naturally,this isn't the first time I've seen such a sight as this has been an on-going trend for many years now. For some reason though, today it got me thinking...I wonder if they really think that looks good?

As I watched the guy on my right struggle to climb a few small steps because there wasn't enough room for movement in his upper-thigh-hugging jeans, I started to wonder if perhaps the guys had purchased the jeans too small and had no choice but to wear them below the butt because they simply didn't go up the rest of the way. I also wondered if they had girlfriends, which led me ponder the type of women who might find that attractive. Strangely enough, I couldn't come up with one. In all my years of talking to women, and talking to them about guys, never once as a preference have I heard one of them say "Oh yeah, and I really love it when a guy's pants hang below his ass."

Does it make the trip to the men's room quicker? The guys with the pants below their asses wear their boxers up all the way, so that can't be it; there's still work involved. Maybe it's easy access in case of spontaneous sex? There's less time for a girl to change her mind if your pants are already half way to the floor. Then all you have to do is grab hold of the belt and pull. Speaking of belts, they seem to often wear belts when rocking the jeans below the ass look. I find this particularly amusing because I was brought up to believe that belts were used to hold pants up, not down.

Anyway, to all the guys out there waddling around with your pants below your ass, stopping to tug them up a little with every step, I'm here to tell you that it is not cool. It is not hot. It makes you look lazy, like you were too bothered by an extra two second tug that would have sat your pants happily at your waist, where they belong.