Essentially because I have nothing better to do with my time, here's my running diary of the 2009 Golden Globes. All times are approximate.
8:03
What the hell is Jennifer Lopez wearing? I’m pretty sure she stole my grandmother’s curtains to make it. Why is she even there? OK, so her telling the audience to shut up because she was talking was kind of hilarious. As Perez would say, diva-licious!
8:05
Kate Winslet wins Best Actress in a Supporting Role for “The Reader”. I absolutely love this woman. She is gorgeous, graceful, and always chooses the most amazing roles. Since seeing her in “Titanic,” I’ve been a huge fan and I’m always genuinely happy to see her to well. Seriously, I can’t say enough nice things about her; she is the epitome of class.
8:10
Even Collin Farrell is surprised that Sting looks kind of creepy as he presents Best Original Song. Miley Cyrus just stuck her tongue out at the camera. Very mature.
8:11
It has to be The Boss. It has to be The Boss. It has…it’s The Boss.
8:14
This is it! Neil Patrick Harris could win for “How I Met Your Mother.” NHP! NHP! NPH!! (I might cry…) Aaaaand it’s Tom Wilkinson. I suppose I knew NPH didn’t really have a chance in hell but, still, it would have been a nice surprise. I don’t understand why they group comedy with miniseries/made-for-TV-movie.
8:21
Why is Jonathan at The Golden Globes? What is going on? Why is he kissing Laura Dern? Was he in “Recount”?
8:22
I just looked up Danny Strong on IMDB. He wrote the screenplay for “Recount.” I kind of want to cry because I can’t believe I did not know that. (For those of you who don’t get why I’m freaking the freak out right now, Danny Strong played the lovable nerd on “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” which is only the greatest television show ever. Seriously, watch the episode called “Superstar” from season four). Wow, that is the best thing I’ve learned all day. I’m so proud! This is likely to be the highlight of the show for me.
8:34
Anna Paquin wins for “True Blood.” I really, really need to watch this show. It’s about vampires, and we all know how I feel about vampires.
8:41
“WALL-E” wins best Animated Feature. I’ve heard a lot of mixed reviews about this movie from people I know who’ve seen it, but I absolutely loved it. Maybe it’s because I watched it at a time when I desperately needed to believe in love (and if robots can find it, there’s hope for me yet), but I thought it was one of the smartest animated films I’ve seen in a long time. I’m not even going to talk about the fact that the Jonas Brothers are presenting. Or that people have taken to calling them the JoBros.
8:43
Johnny Depp, man of few words, cuts right to the point to present Best Actress in a Musical/Comedy to Sally Hawkins for “Happy Go Lucky.” I like how he doesn’t waste time with forced comedy, but he scares me a little.
8:59
No surprise here, Heath Ledger wins Best Supporting Actor for “The Dark Knight.” Chris Nolan accepts on his behalf. That will definitely go down as the most somber moment of the night.
9:05
Tom Brokaw introduces Frost/Nixon. I need to watch this movie. Actually, I would rather see the stage version when it tours since it’s not on Broadway anymore. Then again, neither is anything else.
9:06
Oh, so that’s what happened to Colin Farrell. I was starting to wonder. He just made a joke about his past drug use. That was kind of awesome.
9:11
I feel the same way about Laura Linney as I do Kate Winslet. She is a true actress. I just finished watching “Love Actually” for about the 700th time, and the scene where she asks Carl to stand in the doorway so she can hide from him and do her little freak-out happy dance is one of my favorite random movie moments for no reason. Yes, I have a list of favorite random movie moments. Perhaps I’ll share it someday.
9:19
I can’t get over how hot Seth Rogen is now. I really can’t. “Slumdog Millionaire” is one of those movies I’m really excited to see, but know I’ll have to wait for the DVD because no one I know will want to see it, and I don’t have the balls to go to movies alone.
9:22
I wish I liked “30 Rock.” Because I love Tina Fey. But I do not love “30 Rock.”
9:32
Of course, Paul Giamatti wins for “John Adams.” Honestly, I’m kind of bummed. I want “Recount” to win some more so the camera can cut to Danny Strong’s super-excited face again. I’m still reeling that he wrote the screenplay. I can’t believe I did not know that.
9:38
In case you can’t tell, I’m starting to get bored. That’s how these things usually go for me.
9:42
Hey, Pierce Brosnan, I just saw “Mamma Mia” and I have a little piece of advice for you: never sing in a movie again. Ever. Please. Seriously, I saw “Mamma Mia” on Broadway two years ago and was surprised by how much I enjoyed it. The movie version? Let’s just say I’d rather watch the movie version of “Rent” again. Twice.
9:48
Tina Fey wins for “30 Rock.” She’s still my hero. And I still don’t love “30 Rock.” Best speech of the night.
10:02
It only took 10 minutes to present Steven Spielberg with the Cecil B. Demille award. Impressive.
10:12
Oh look, a commercial for “He’s Just not That Into You.” I’m already in line waiting.
10:18
I’m getting bored. But I can’t wait to see “Revolutionary Road” when it comes out in 2 weeks. Sandy Bullock looks good, and is funny. But when was the last time she was in a movie?
10:20
And just like that, Colin Farrell is relevant again. “They must have done the counting in Florida.” He’s pretty funny.
10:22
That was actually a good acceptance speech. I’m impressed. I may have to rethink all the things I’ve said about him so fair. Wait, I just remembered “Alexander.” Never mind.
10:38
Mark Whalberg is still sexy. Say hi to the cast of “How I Met Your Mother” for me.
10:39
And Kate Winslet wins again for “Revolutionary Road.” I am genuinely excited, both for her and to see the film. Kate Winslet is my new favorite person. She totally made Leonardo DiCaprio cry. And me, too.
10:44
Sweet. “Mad Men” wins for Best Drama Series. I absolutely love this show. It smolders. That’s the only word I can think of to describe it.
10:50
Are there still awards to be handed out? I’ve seriously lost interest. Mickey Rourke just won a Golden Globe. There’s a sentence I never thought I’d write.
10:56
Thank you OREO, for picking the most unlikable, annoying spokespeople for your commercials. I actually like OREOS a little less now.
10:59
Tom Cruise is out to present the final award of the night. I feel like I’ve been sitting here for nine hours. And “Slumdog Millionaire” is going to win, so there really is no point in even pretending to be surprised.
Well, kiddies, that was fun when it wasn’t completely boring. Until next time…
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